You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
