your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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