My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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