I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
