Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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