at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
