Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I am naked and annoyed.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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