Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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