idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
