my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
