i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
