wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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