Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Can I color on your dick again?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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