She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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