Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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