Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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