I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
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