At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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