You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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