You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
