Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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