when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
