i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
