u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
