I think i sorta joined a cult last night
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
