You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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