How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize