I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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