Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
