Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
We left the knife in your bed.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Randomize
