The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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