My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize
