the condom got lost in my hair
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
The Olympian is in my bed
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
