Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize