Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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