i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Success! We fucked roommates!
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
