If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
