Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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