Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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