Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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