i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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