You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
