no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
