You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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