I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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