Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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