i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize