He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
