she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
