Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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