I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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