HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
