turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
