he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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