After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
