mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just want to make out with him forever
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
