So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
