Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
