I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
