Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
So much rum. So many feels.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
