In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
