Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(913): View more from Kansas

I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.

Fav 18 1194 5429
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(401): View more from Rhode Island

Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread

Fav 18 5005 1155
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(604): View more from British Columbia

Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.

Fav 6 1019 4194
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(908): View more from New Jersey

so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.

Fav 20 6007 2050
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(253): View more from Washington

I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.

Fav 11 4444 1828
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(206): View more from Washington

i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin

Fav 19 1458 4789
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(404): View more from Georgia

Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.

Fav 18 6231 1422
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(206): View more from Washington

I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"

Fav 5 652 488
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(732): View more from New Jersey

Wait. How did I get engaged last night?

Fav 0 9 44
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