Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
They have beer where we have blood.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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