thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
