I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
