thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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