Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I am never drinking with the goths again.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
