so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I didn't notice because vodka
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize