I wish you could order shots online.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
