is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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