It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize