If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
